ok i'm gonna heck it all and if yujie visits, then tough. i feel like giving up on this friendship. i thought about this for a while now. just one of the many things troubling me. it's not working. we went out today and for abt 3 hrs, we didnt say much. it's so difficult to talk to him now. i remember the time that we could go on and on and talk for hours on end. and force ourselves off the phone, or force ourselves to go to bed. but today, our conversation seemed so jerky. he was busy scribbling stuff into his notebook, or he would be on the phone. and our conversation was full of superficialities. nothing substantial at all. if i had gone out with anyone else today, we'd probably have spoken so much within that period. sigh. yeh he just kept listening to me sigh. the saddest thing is that we kept saying we'd leave all our conversations to after the As. and now, after the As, yujie has changed so much. it's not me who changed i believe. cos alene and michelia etc feel that yujie has changed. for better or for worse? i dont know. he didnt use to stand me up that often.

i always feel that it's me putting in the effort. to call him, to msg him and things like that. things he doesnt bother to do unless he wants to inform me of anything. ok, to be fair, he did msg to ask if i was feeling better the morning i fell majorly sick. haha. but his msges seem to be getting colder. they're purely functional in purpose. i wonder if he'll feel sad if i died. ohwells, i'll def feel very sad if he died and now i'm beginning to question why.

sigh. he's like the first on my list of pple i wouldnt be able to communicate with after 5 years. yet, another part of me refuses to let this friendship go. i know inside me that if i need help, i might call him although he hasnt been of much help. i know that if he asks me for help, i will do the very best i can for him. i somehow know that i'll try to keep in contact with him. why? cos he's still my friend. am i being overly sentimental? perhaps...

i dont know if i shd let go. i really dont.