lost

i don't know why i feel so lost. so so so lost. there doesn't seem to be anyone on my side. i feel so alone. dad put me down, mum put me down, pastor put me down, yujie put me down...the one person i trust the most. i just feel very crushed inside me. i made very very bad decisions and i'm suffering the consequences of my bad decisions. not going to london...worst decision. not going to school and putting in effort this sem...bad decision. i dunno. i dont even know what went wrong between yujie and i. i dont even know what to do to put it right. i hope he doesnt hate me. he probably doesnt. but i seem to annoy him a lot. oh gosh. yujie...i never intended to annoy u. i wanted to help u, be a friend, and i was looking for a friend in return. sigh. with regards to parents, yes i know they love me. but i just feel i really let them down. and they probably are disappointed. pastor...sigh. i dunno. we used to be closer and have more open sharing. i dont know what happened.

in school, i dont even know how to face the project mates. it was sheer abandonment on my part. so irresponsible. such bad decisions made. oh gosh aaron. why did u get yourself into this? why so weak? why so lousy? pull yourself together please. pull yourself together. u can make it. u can u can u can make it through this.